This has to stop

This is in reference to this photo that I found in my facebook this morning. I'm still reeling about it, even though it was like... three hours ago.

Okay, I'm gonna make that picture my starting point, since that's what got me thinking. But first, let me make a little disclaimer... Rape is wrong. It's beyond disgusting and perverted, especially when accompanied with murder. Everyone knows this, without a shadow of a doubt. And trust me, rapists know it, too. And if they didn't know it before they raped someone (I can't imagine how), they certainly knew it afterwards.

Having said that, I'll move on to the picture of a girl holding a hand-drawn sign that says "I need feminism because society teaches us "DON'T GET RAPED" rather than "DON'T RAPE". I don't know this girl, I don't know if she's had bad experiences, or been raped, or been told before that somehow it's the rape victim's fault. However, I do know that there are several things wrong with that one little statement.

I'll start with the obvious. I have no flowery or polite way of putting this but... There ain't no way feminism is gonna save you from getting raped. Feminism is an idea, not a protection agency. If it makes you feel better about yourself, then fine. But it's still not a gonna do a thing about rape.

Now some less-obvious-but-should-be-obvious things... Who is this society that teaches "us" not to get raped?? Is there a class or something on not getting raped? (Answer: Self-Defense Martial Arts!!) Is there some secret cult that instructs women to not get raped and that if they do it's their fault? And trust me, I know that there are weirdos who say stuff like that, I've read the articles too, but that is a very very very very very small percentage of people who do that.

On the flip side, do we honestly not teach our sons, brothers, and male friends that it's not okay to rape people? I think most people even go so far as to say, "don't joke about it, because rape is not a thing to be taken lightly." I've mentioned it before, but even the rapists know that it's wrong to rape. So exactly what world do you live in that men aren't taught to respect women, especially in this day and age?

And on top of that, if you honestly think men are never taught not to rape women, then you've just made rape an excusable offense. Yeah, didn't think of that, did you? Rape is wrong, everyone knows it, it's not excusable, and the person at fault is the one that commits it. Can we all agree with that sentiment?

Last thing - and I know this would tip off so many people, because it's such a sensitive thing - but there is such a thing as rape prevention. Just like there's such a thing as murder prevention, theft prevention... I think you might see my point, just a little? I mean, you lock your car door, your house at night, and don't go into dark alleyways... And obviously, it's not your fault if you get something stolen from you, but sometimes things are preventable. Here are some examples:

- Self-defense courses. If you ask me, everyone women should take them, especially if you live in a place where you feel like the rape or mugging ratio is a little higher.
- Stay in groups. Especially if you're dressed nicely. I get it, we all want to feel sexy. But you do not go out in that cocktail dress alone, okay ladies?
- Stay away from places where known rape cases have happened... that should be obvious.

And to finish, I will sum up with a comment someone else actually made on this picture which is exactly how I feel about it:

"Sorry folks. That's BS. From a young age we teach our kids not to harm others. And as adults we know that rape is of course harming a person. I'ts horrible and sadden's me greatly. And because we know of the evil inside of some people no matter what they are taught they shouldnt do, some stilll do it!! And the people come along and try to teach others on how to "avoid" getting raped in hope to bring the chances of it happening to other's down. Stop with using the feminism card on this one. It's bullshit. Men and boys get raped too!! What does feminism even have to do with this? It's horrible either way. Straighten out people. I think Men and Women alike should be treated equal too, but the feminism comment on this one is ignorant. All it will do is cause more confusion for girls like her holding the sign and point her Women equality at the wrong target. By the way is there even a target these days?? i'ts 2012 folks. Our women today in the world today are very strong and very awesome. :) - a voice in our society."

I Have A Dream, A Song To Sing

- ABBA (coincidentally, Martin Luther King Jr. also said something along those same lines)

I can't honestly recall what, as a child, I thought my life would be like when I was in my early twenties. Did I think I would be successful? Did I think I would have gotten a good education that would lead to a rewarding career? Did I think I'd be married and have babies by now? Did I even think about "what will life be like in 10 years"?

I do distinctly remember back at the turn of the century (yes, the 22nd century) everyone asking us kids what they thought would happen in 10 years, 2010. The majority pretty much said flying cars, and I was probably guilty of making that same suggestion. Obviously that didn't happen. (But why didn't we think self-driving cars were feasible??)

Anyway, my point is that I'm not sure I ever really had a "plan" for my life, or a vision of how I thought it would go. I always figured I'd go to university because that's what everyone else was doing. (Now I have a bachelor's.) Despite a few months where I thought I was destined to be an old cat lady, I always did want to get married. (Get a husband, check!) And it's obvious that I would strive to have a good job, whether you want to call it a career or not. (Library technicians ftw.)

But even though I sort of half-expected all of that stuff, most of what is now a part of my life came in a most unexpected way. Meeting someone on the internet who you would later marry? Getting a job without any of the necessary education simply because you were willing to try? Becoming best friends with someone who would eventually help you publish your first book?

All of that is so crazy that it certainly belongs in a book. It feels surreal to say that all of those things are about me, but it's true. I almost can't handle it. I mean... where do I even go from there? Everything is already just so... perfect.

Of course, nothing is really perfect. By the time I get bored of seeing my first book, I'll be ready to publish my second one. Gina will always have things to read and edit for me. Eli will always remain my number one source for love and affection and there isn't a thing I would change about that.

I guess all I'm really saying is that life is absolutely unexpected. Things always seem to work out, but never the way I necessarily want them too. For example, I never really wanted to go to university, but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met some of my best friends, including Gina and Eli. I never would have gotten to the point with my writing where I could actually publish something. And that means more to me and any degree I could ever hold. Period.

I just know that sometimes I'll have to refer back to this particular blog post when something is not going my way, just to remind myself that it'll work out in the end. Because it always kind of does.

I'll cross the stream. I have a dream.

So Tell Me What You Want to Hear

- OneRepublic

Here's a little secret about myself: I don't actually think I suck. I mean, I have my days where I do something stupid, or I find out I'm really not good at something. But on the whole, I think I'm a pretty awesome person.

Why, then, do people get so offended when I say something like "My sisters are prettier than me"?* People get some wacked out idea that I think I'm ugly. Trust me - I am not ugly. I've been told my whole life how pretty I am. So saying that my sisters are prettier than me is not an insult to myself, but rather a really big compliment to them. Do I say it with jealousy in my voice? Do I on some sub-conscious level have some Lucy-like ambition to be just like my sisters? Do I think I'm ugly?

If you answered no to all of the above, congratulations. You won. Now stop telling me how much I hate myself.

Seriously. If I said something like, "I'm not as smart as Bill Gates," people would be like "Well, no, of course not." But if I say, "I'm not smart like my fiance is," people start getting all sympathetic. I don't think I'm stupid, and I can't remember ever having said that in recent times. So relax.

There are things I'm good at, and there are countless other people who are much better at those things than I am. I think it's a pretty healthy attitude to be able to admit when other people are better-looking, smarter, or more talented than me. It doesn't mean I hate myself. It just means I know my place. My place is here. Theirs is up there. And other people's are way down there. So what? I can handle that without others trying to "make me feel better."

I promise I'm not looking for sympathy or fishing for compliments. I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am, and with improving on the things that I think I need to improve on. People do not need to get all up in my grill when I admit that other people are better than me. Would you like me to list the number of people who can't punctuate sentences to save their lives, or make syntax flow like I can? Because I can do that if it would make you feel better. I'm just saying...

I can also use comparatives and superlatives. Watch: Natasja is pretty. Her sisters are prettier. Her next-oldest sister is the prettiest.

Yeah. I'm awesome.

It's super late and this is all I can think about.

I'm gonna give all my secrets away.






*The only person who's allowed to tell me otherwise is my fiance.

You can be a rockstar if you want to

- Tasjie, AKA yours truly

I just wanted to say that I DID IT!! I wrote (more than) 50,000 words in 30 days. That's an average of 1,667 words per day, although I never actually made that quota. In fact, in the last three days of the NaNoWriMo challenge, I wrote about 18,000 words just to finish on time. I just wanted to give a little insight on why and how I did the challenge this year.

The why part is simple, I guess. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I figured if I could write a 75,000 word book in six weeks (true story), then I could certainly write 50,000 in four. Plus, I already had a story in my head that I needed to get out. Don't worry, I didn't cheat because I didn't have any of it written down yet. I just had some characters, a general storyline, and some scenes in my head that I knew would be in it. So I figured, no big deal. Just write 1667 words a day, and you're golden.

Wrong. It does not work that way. I mean, when I started, I have a perfect beginning in my head. I got ahead of the game because I just had so much to start with. I was feeling good about it, and started taking little breathers that turned into breaks that turned into days where I couldn't or didn't write anything.

One of the things that helped me push through was my readers. I have had one faithful reader for a long time now (you know who you are, Gina), and have recently added another. And both of them are really helpful because they always end their response emails with "WRITE MORE RIGHT NOW."

A problem I had with my writing is that I start to lag in the middle. My beginnings always start out so great and fresh and I'm just so excited to have my characters. It's like the honeymoon period of writing. But then I'm like... "Where do I go now? How do I get to the beautiful ending I have in mind?" I also try really hard not to write out of order. I don't like doing it, because it can create continuity errors which are sometimes difficult to fix. This time, however, I had to break my own rule.

And that's how I made it to 50,000 words. I was running out of time, and I knew exactly what would happen in the end. So with wild abandon, I wrote the ending. And then I wrote the chapter before it, and the chapter before that. Then I went back and started writing forward again (instead of backwards). And the most amazing, crazy, and wonderful thing happened. I joined it all up! In those last three days, last 18,000 words, I wrote an ending and a middle that joined up. It was great.

And I'll be honest with you. The one other reason I made the goal was because I felt myself getting close, and I thought that if I got really close but didn't make it, I'd be super disappointed. So, neglecting my shower and writing while watching tv with the family, I pushed myself to the end. And now I'm a winner. Yay me!

You can look for my book when it comes out to a bookstore near you in the near future.

You can be you.