Hardcore superstar by far, you're the ultimate star

- Tegan and Sara

Among my oh-so-special talents is singing while playing guitar. I really started to learn guitar because a) it friggin rocks and b) I liked the idea of being able to be my own accompaniment. It was like the idea of having my own back-up band (who is really just me, strummin' some chords.) True, it was difficult to learn to play at first, my friends can attest to that. (Developping my singing was a lot easier, but that's a different story.) I really just wanted to be able to do it so that I wouldn't just be singing random songs, I'd be singing songs someone knew and having the right keys and beats that come with the playing of a guitar. That's all there was to it. I just didn't want to sing alone, but at the same I wanted to sing by myself.

Over the last year, I've been really trying hard to get the whole guitar thing going. It's been working well, I guess. Personally, I just like the sense of enjoyment and accomplishment I feel when I can play and sing a song well. Lately, people have been telling me how good I'm getting. Especially, of course, my wonderful friend who actually take the time to listen to me, even if I sound horrible. (And by "take the time to..." I really mean they give me requests and I do my best.) My mother is always encouraging, she always tells me how much she enjoys my singing. And it's fun, it really is.

It's weird when people get like, excited over how good they say I am. Not necessarily in a bad way, just... a new thing for me. Like when Gina says, "Tasj, when you're a multinational award-winning singer-guitarist, don't forget the little people," then I have no idea what to say to that. Truth is, Gina, I am one of the little people. I probably always will be. Not because I don't have talent. But because I lack the confidence and vision to ever see myself as a "star." I'm not even sure if I'd like it. I mean, I like when people hear me sing and they think it's nice. And I really really enjoy singing. And I'll sing till the day I die. It's just so much a part of who I am.

So what do I do? Give up a safe life for at chance at my dream? Or do I keep doing what I'm doing and save music for my own amusement. Sadly (or not so sadly, depending on how you look at it), I will choose the latter. Don't worry, you'll always hear me sing. Just maybe not on the radio.

At least not yet.

Do you wanna be a superstar? Cause that's what you are. You're gonna be a star.

This is my brain; its torturous, analytical thoughts make me go insane.

- Kate Nash

I really needed to rant tonight about something that really bothers me. I've been complaining about it for a couple weeks now. Those who know me know I'm a stickler for proper grammar; it's just a part of who I am.

I've always felt like anyone who speaks, writes and reads a language should know the rules of that language, and use them accordingly. Now, I understand that as we grow up, we make mistakes, we learn from them, we better ourselves. So, I'm ignoring teeny-bopper Ebonics for the sake of this one blog. (That may come later, after more research about it.) I'm also not including foreigners in this blog, because I know how difficult it is to grasp another language when one is comfortable with his own.

No, now I'd like to present to you the bane of my existence: middle-aged people with some sort of authority, (and to whom I pay money) who cannot use the English language properly, even if it is their first and only known language. More specifically, I'd like to rant about my new landlord, who can't seem to write a coherent email. Let's start with the email that has been bothering for a couple weeks now:

"Again - they may be there to the very end - since they are there now - but if they are out early - I will let you know - but don't count on it it seems"

Where to even begin? First of all, most of his emails consist of fragmented sentences, bad or non-existent punctuation, and often confusing statements. Luckily, this email I could understand. However, that does not excuse the use of hyphens to separate sentences and even clauses. This should just not happen. Ever. And it honestly bothers me that I'm going to pay this man - a man who can't be bothered to write properly - money every month. While I understand that he wasn't necessarily an English major, that does not excuse his poor grammar.

Furthermore, although I'm probably "just a student" in his eyes, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't care about how he writes his emails. Considering email is a widely acceptable form of communication in today's society, you would think that people would learn how to write properly, or at least hire someone who could.

So what do I do now? Well, to be honest, if he were my friend and not my landlord, I would correct his horrible abuse of hyphenation, and show him how to properly punctuate that last email. But I can't, obviously, because he's my landlord - not someone with whom I feel I can share my opinion. So instead, I now have to write him an email back (since he misunderstood me the first time I emailed him), make sure that my email is properly written, hope he gets the hint (which he won't), and anxiously await his reply. Which I'm sure will be riddled with under-capitalization, spelling errors, improper punctuation... and hyphens, of course. And here for your amusement, or so that you understand my position a little better, another one of his emails about free couches:

"Again - we have 2 free nice couches up for grabs - present tenants want them moved by this weekend = too nice to toss - but someone needs to claim & grab ASAP = before Sat."

Did I mention that he also really likes using "="? Particularly when they're not necessary, I've noticed. Am I the only one who cares anymore about grammar and maintaining the integrity of language? Please tell me I'm not.

And I'm singing uh-oh on a Friday night, and I hope everything's gonna be alright.

It's when I'm at my worst that you're at your best.

- Salvador

God always seems to give me good things when I least expect them; not when I want them or feel like I need them. But at the most perfect moment.

Just when I feel like I've lost something, He gives me something else. Sometimes, I think it's just to prove to me that He is my provider when I'm doubting. Sometimes, I think it's just because He loves me. It's never anything I did - I certainly don't deserve any of it.

There are many skeptics out there that believe God doesn't care because "life is so miserable." Life is only miserable if we choose to let it be, to believe it is. I know, "God lets bad things happen." That has never been a convincing argument to me. Especially when I hear about situations that could have been prevented by other people.

"But what about natural disasters, like hurricane Katrina?" you might ask. Yeah, we totally took care of that mess... You know, there are some things that we just can't control, we can only take the situation and turn it whichever way we need to to survive. There are so many people in the world who are capable of helping those suffering. But, out of sight, out of mind, right? Yeah, I can totally see how God would let such atrocities happen. (SARCASM)

If only everyone trusted God more, if everyone prayed, if everyone were truly one in Christ like the Bible says we should be. If only we took care of the things we can take care of and let God handle the rest...

When you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do?

Soo... as a reply to request from a suggestion I gave to Gina (yeah, figure that one out), I kinda sorta half-promised that I would learn to play and sing the song Powerless by Nelly Furtado and then facebook it. Yeah, not gonna happen any time soon, Gina.

For one thing, every time I go to record it, I choke up. Just like I do when I have to sing by myself in front of people who aren't blood related. Yeah, I know, I did a few songs for my friends while they were helping me pack up. But that's a little different. I just can't seem to get past that initial nervousness that tells me I will mess up, and then I do.

Secondly, I have nothing that is adequate enough for my liking to produce a good quality sound. Tried my sister's camera, that wasn't very good. Tried a webcam, but those are always iffy. It's just not going very well.

Thirdly, and I know this will be hard to believe, but I'm no Nelly Furtado. She can do stuff that I can't. Like make a good music video. Get a back-up band. Get on the radio...

So here's my apology to Gina, in case I made a promise I can't keep. I don't think it's gonna happen. I'll do it live for you one day. Just don't ever expect me to be on the radio anytime soon. (Like you did in the first place, right?)

By the way Gina, you should be updating our blog soon... If we ever remember how to sign in, hehe.

Hey you the one outside...