This has to stop

This is in reference to this photo that I found in my facebook this morning. I'm still reeling about it, even though it was like... three hours ago.

Okay, I'm gonna make that picture my starting point, since that's what got me thinking. But first, let me make a little disclaimer... Rape is wrong. It's beyond disgusting and perverted, especially when accompanied with murder. Everyone knows this, without a shadow of a doubt. And trust me, rapists know it, too. And if they didn't know it before they raped someone (I can't imagine how), they certainly knew it afterwards.

Having said that, I'll move on to the picture of a girl holding a hand-drawn sign that says "I need feminism because society teaches us "DON'T GET RAPED" rather than "DON'T RAPE". I don't know this girl, I don't know if she's had bad experiences, or been raped, or been told before that somehow it's the rape victim's fault. However, I do know that there are several things wrong with that one little statement.

I'll start with the obvious. I have no flowery or polite way of putting this but... There ain't no way feminism is gonna save you from getting raped. Feminism is an idea, not a protection agency. If it makes you feel better about yourself, then fine. But it's still not a gonna do a thing about rape.

Now some less-obvious-but-should-be-obvious things... Who is this society that teaches "us" not to get raped?? Is there a class or something on not getting raped? (Answer: Self-Defense Martial Arts!!) Is there some secret cult that instructs women to not get raped and that if they do it's their fault? And trust me, I know that there are weirdos who say stuff like that, I've read the articles too, but that is a very very very very very small percentage of people who do that.

On the flip side, do we honestly not teach our sons, brothers, and male friends that it's not okay to rape people? I think most people even go so far as to say, "don't joke about it, because rape is not a thing to be taken lightly." I've mentioned it before, but even the rapists know that it's wrong to rape. So exactly what world do you live in that men aren't taught to respect women, especially in this day and age?

And on top of that, if you honestly think men are never taught not to rape women, then you've just made rape an excusable offense. Yeah, didn't think of that, did you? Rape is wrong, everyone knows it, it's not excusable, and the person at fault is the one that commits it. Can we all agree with that sentiment?

Last thing - and I know this would tip off so many people, because it's such a sensitive thing - but there is such a thing as rape prevention. Just like there's such a thing as murder prevention, theft prevention... I think you might see my point, just a little? I mean, you lock your car door, your house at night, and don't go into dark alleyways... And obviously, it's not your fault if you get something stolen from you, but sometimes things are preventable. Here are some examples:

- Self-defense courses. If you ask me, everyone women should take them, especially if you live in a place where you feel like the rape or mugging ratio is a little higher.
- Stay in groups. Especially if you're dressed nicely. I get it, we all want to feel sexy. But you do not go out in that cocktail dress alone, okay ladies?
- Stay away from places where known rape cases have happened... that should be obvious.

And to finish, I will sum up with a comment someone else actually made on this picture which is exactly how I feel about it:

"Sorry folks. That's BS. From a young age we teach our kids not to harm others. And as adults we know that rape is of course harming a person. I'ts horrible and sadden's me greatly. And because we know of the evil inside of some people no matter what they are taught they shouldnt do, some stilll do it!! And the people come along and try to teach others on how to "avoid" getting raped in hope to bring the chances of it happening to other's down. Stop with using the feminism card on this one. It's bullshit. Men and boys get raped too!! What does feminism even have to do with this? It's horrible either way. Straighten out people. I think Men and Women alike should be treated equal too, but the feminism comment on this one is ignorant. All it will do is cause more confusion for girls like her holding the sign and point her Women equality at the wrong target. By the way is there even a target these days?? i'ts 2012 folks. Our women today in the world today are very strong and very awesome. :) - a voice in our society."

I Have A Dream, A Song To Sing

- ABBA (coincidentally, Martin Luther King Jr. also said something along those same lines)

I can't honestly recall what, as a child, I thought my life would be like when I was in my early twenties. Did I think I would be successful? Did I think I would have gotten a good education that would lead to a rewarding career? Did I think I'd be married and have babies by now? Did I even think about "what will life be like in 10 years"?

I do distinctly remember back at the turn of the century (yes, the 22nd century) everyone asking us kids what they thought would happen in 10 years, 2010. The majority pretty much said flying cars, and I was probably guilty of making that same suggestion. Obviously that didn't happen. (But why didn't we think self-driving cars were feasible??)

Anyway, my point is that I'm not sure I ever really had a "plan" for my life, or a vision of how I thought it would go. I always figured I'd go to university because that's what everyone else was doing. (Now I have a bachelor's.) Despite a few months where I thought I was destined to be an old cat lady, I always did want to get married. (Get a husband, check!) And it's obvious that I would strive to have a good job, whether you want to call it a career or not. (Library technicians ftw.)

But even though I sort of half-expected all of that stuff, most of what is now a part of my life came in a most unexpected way. Meeting someone on the internet who you would later marry? Getting a job without any of the necessary education simply because you were willing to try? Becoming best friends with someone who would eventually help you publish your first book?

All of that is so crazy that it certainly belongs in a book. It feels surreal to say that all of those things are about me, but it's true. I almost can't handle it. I mean... where do I even go from there? Everything is already just so... perfect.

Of course, nothing is really perfect. By the time I get bored of seeing my first book, I'll be ready to publish my second one. Gina will always have things to read and edit for me. Eli will always remain my number one source for love and affection and there isn't a thing I would change about that.

I guess all I'm really saying is that life is absolutely unexpected. Things always seem to work out, but never the way I necessarily want them too. For example, I never really wanted to go to university, but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met some of my best friends, including Gina and Eli. I never would have gotten to the point with my writing where I could actually publish something. And that means more to me and any degree I could ever hold. Period.

I just know that sometimes I'll have to refer back to this particular blog post when something is not going my way, just to remind myself that it'll work out in the end. Because it always kind of does.

I'll cross the stream. I have a dream.

So Tell Me What You Want to Hear

- OneRepublic

Here's a little secret about myself: I don't actually think I suck. I mean, I have my days where I do something stupid, or I find out I'm really not good at something. But on the whole, I think I'm a pretty awesome person.

Why, then, do people get so offended when I say something like "My sisters are prettier than me"?* People get some wacked out idea that I think I'm ugly. Trust me - I am not ugly. I've been told my whole life how pretty I am. So saying that my sisters are prettier than me is not an insult to myself, but rather a really big compliment to them. Do I say it with jealousy in my voice? Do I on some sub-conscious level have some Lucy-like ambition to be just like my sisters? Do I think I'm ugly?

If you answered no to all of the above, congratulations. You won. Now stop telling me how much I hate myself.

Seriously. If I said something like, "I'm not as smart as Bill Gates," people would be like "Well, no, of course not." But if I say, "I'm not smart like my fiance is," people start getting all sympathetic. I don't think I'm stupid, and I can't remember ever having said that in recent times. So relax.

There are things I'm good at, and there are countless other people who are much better at those things than I am. I think it's a pretty healthy attitude to be able to admit when other people are better-looking, smarter, or more talented than me. It doesn't mean I hate myself. It just means I know my place. My place is here. Theirs is up there. And other people's are way down there. So what? I can handle that without others trying to "make me feel better."

I promise I'm not looking for sympathy or fishing for compliments. I'm perfectly comfortable with who I am, and with improving on the things that I think I need to improve on. People do not need to get all up in my grill when I admit that other people are better than me. Would you like me to list the number of people who can't punctuate sentences to save their lives, or make syntax flow like I can? Because I can do that if it would make you feel better. I'm just saying...

I can also use comparatives and superlatives. Watch: Natasja is pretty. Her sisters are prettier. Her next-oldest sister is the prettiest.

Yeah. I'm awesome.

It's super late and this is all I can think about.

I'm gonna give all my secrets away.






*The only person who's allowed to tell me otherwise is my fiance.

You can be a rockstar if you want to

- Tasjie, AKA yours truly

I just wanted to say that I DID IT!! I wrote (more than) 50,000 words in 30 days. That's an average of 1,667 words per day, although I never actually made that quota. In fact, in the last three days of the NaNoWriMo challenge, I wrote about 18,000 words just to finish on time. I just wanted to give a little insight on why and how I did the challenge this year.

The why part is simple, I guess. I just wanted to see if I could do it. I figured if I could write a 75,000 word book in six weeks (true story), then I could certainly write 50,000 in four. Plus, I already had a story in my head that I needed to get out. Don't worry, I didn't cheat because I didn't have any of it written down yet. I just had some characters, a general storyline, and some scenes in my head that I knew would be in it. So I figured, no big deal. Just write 1667 words a day, and you're golden.

Wrong. It does not work that way. I mean, when I started, I have a perfect beginning in my head. I got ahead of the game because I just had so much to start with. I was feeling good about it, and started taking little breathers that turned into breaks that turned into days where I couldn't or didn't write anything.

One of the things that helped me push through was my readers. I have had one faithful reader for a long time now (you know who you are, Gina), and have recently added another. And both of them are really helpful because they always end their response emails with "WRITE MORE RIGHT NOW."

A problem I had with my writing is that I start to lag in the middle. My beginnings always start out so great and fresh and I'm just so excited to have my characters. It's like the honeymoon period of writing. But then I'm like... "Where do I go now? How do I get to the beautiful ending I have in mind?" I also try really hard not to write out of order. I don't like doing it, because it can create continuity errors which are sometimes difficult to fix. This time, however, I had to break my own rule.

And that's how I made it to 50,000 words. I was running out of time, and I knew exactly what would happen in the end. So with wild abandon, I wrote the ending. And then I wrote the chapter before it, and the chapter before that. Then I went back and started writing forward again (instead of backwards). And the most amazing, crazy, and wonderful thing happened. I joined it all up! In those last three days, last 18,000 words, I wrote an ending and a middle that joined up. It was great.

And I'll be honest with you. The one other reason I made the goal was because I felt myself getting close, and I thought that if I got really close but didn't make it, I'd be super disappointed. So, neglecting my shower and writing while watching tv with the family, I pushed myself to the end. And now I'm a winner. Yay me!

You can look for my book when it comes out to a bookstore near you in the near future.

You can be you.

Just life your life

- T.I. feat. Rhihanna (with a special shout-out to O-Zone because you know it was your beat that made that song rock.)

Last night, I was feeling rather blah... like, discouraged and unsatisfied with my life. And so my fiance told me to read the bible. While I was reading, I came across these verses:

"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity because the days are evil." [Ephesians 5:15-16]

For some reason, I had previously underlined the second half of this sentence. I quickly underlined the first part, because really they go together. It struck me as different than when I had previously read it, I guess. The first thing I thought about were those people that will tell you to just go for it, just do what you want to do, live how you want to live, "because you only get one life, baby, so you might as well."

This ideology always bothered me for some reason, but I was never really sure why. I mean, it should make sense, right? You only have one life to live, you should live it to the fullest. But there's something more to it. The fact is, it's not always wise to take all those risks, to "live the way I want." And that is why it boggles me that I didn't originally have that first part of the verse underlined.

Sometimes you have to ask yourself what you're really living for. Are you living for the never-ending party? Are you just waiting for the next big risk for you to take? Do you live recklessly because you figure a careful life would be dull and you know you won't get to re-live your life?

A better question is: are you ready to meet the end of your life?

The problem is necessarily that we go for what we want. The problem comes when we can't distinguish between a worthwhile endeavour and a fruitless one. Granted, sometimes it can be hard to tell sometimes. But usually not. Most people ignore the fact that they really are wasting time, because they want to waste their time that way. Hey, whatever you do is up to you, and I'm not going to stop you, okay?

The second verse tells us to make the "most of every opportunity." Now, if I may expand on this statement, I would like to. I don't think this literally means you need to take every single opportunity offered to you ever. That be the reason for the preceding verse, why you need to be able to discern between wise and unwise decisions.

The follow-up verse will help me out here. Verse 17 reads: "Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is." So if I take all three verses together, I get the idea that we are to take every opportunity to do the Lord's will. Not just taking random opportunities. That would mean, for example, that every time I walk along the road I could take the opportunity to kill myself by walking right into a car. That would be foolish and not the Lord's will.

Unfortunately, every decision isn't as easy or intuitive as whether or not I should throw myself into traffic. If it were, the world would be in a far, far better place. So how does one get to that place where every decision, every move, every opportunity is easily decided upon? Pray for wisdom, I suppose. God doesn't hold back when you ask for it, and there's no reason He shouldn't grant you wisdom to deal with life.

So I guess that's what I've been thinking about. I want to live right, but I also don't want to hold back. Obviously there is a fine line somewhere and sometimes I have a hard time finding it. Sometimes, on the other hand, it's as clear as a car coming down the street. I hope Iget a lot more like that, but I doubt I actually will.

No tellin' where it'll take ya.

Silent night, holy night...

- Traditional Christmas carol

This post isn't really about Christmas, but I've started up my carol practising with my sister. We're planning on a Silent Night piano duet this year.... we've been practising for a while because neither of us are really great piano players. (She's better than me, but whatever, let's not get into it.)

Actually, I had a funny little anecdote about Halloween, and since it's Halloween, I thought I'd write it today. Also, I just want to say that I don't really do Halloween. I've never done it, I don't dress up, I've never gone out for candy, and I honestly don't really care. I think one time I was a "rockstar" because Gina told people I was... Plus, I wear a cool leather jacket.

Anyway, back to my story... But first a picture, to illustrate to you what the rosebush in our front our house looks like. The roses looks great in full bloom, but by October, it's pretty much survival of the fittest. A few are still blooming as you can see, but the rest of it is just all tall, straggly, thorny stems that are literally taller than I am.

So anyway, I wanted to plant some curly sue tulips this fall, hoping against all hope that they would actually bloom in the spring. But then there were these ugly, half-eaten hostas in the garden, so my mom was all like, "Dig up the hostas, and put your bulbs there."


So out I go to dig away at those icky, leafy plants (I've never liked hostas), but on this side of the garden, as you can see, there were some lethal rose bush stems in my way. In my way. I wanted to tie them back, and the only string I could find anywhere in the house was this neon pink stuff that I had to (very carefully) wrap around the stems and through the trelis behind it.

Needless to say, it wasn't pleasant. I really don't like sharp things. But as they say in Italy, "Non c'è roza senza spine."

Okay, so I dug up the stupid plants, but I didn't get enough time that day to actually plant my bulbs. But then it was rainy and too cold the next couple days, and I kinda just left that pink string there, so I wouldn't have to redo it when I was ready to plant things.

I finally did get around to planting the bulbs. And then my dad told me that he saw a group of little kids come right up to our house the other day. They kind of just stood there and stared at our "decorations" probably trying to figure out what exactly it was. (Oh, if only they knew...) In case you're wondering what this must have looked like through their eyes...

"What do you think it is?"
"Obviously someone being hanged."
"In neon pink?"
"A dead fashionista, probably."
"Creepy."

Add that to the creepy dead greenery, and you got yourselves some accidental Halloween decorations, sure to please and confound the common kindergartener.



Anyway... be safe out there kids. Some people are creeps. And some people are just lazy, and don't take the random string off their rosebushes or clean up their dead plants.

...

It did eventually all get clean up, in case you were wondering.


All is calm, all is bright.

Now you feel like number one, shining bright for everyone

- Number One (Ichigo's Theme), from "Bleach"

As you may have guessed it, today's blog will be about Tite Kubo's insanely epic anime "Bleach." I would like to start off with a WARNING: please do not watch this show unless you really have the time to invest in it. I watched like 200+ episodes on animefreaktv before making myself stop. Even though I've watched so much of it, this is in no way a review. It's really just my thoughts so far.

For one thing... wow. This show is great. I actually love it a lot. To be honest, I was really just going to watch a couple episodes, because I remember my fiancé mentioning it and I thought, "Yeah, maybe I'll see what it's like and I'll impress him with my knowledge of it, YAY!!" (There, the truth comes out. If he sees this, he'll probably think, "But now she likes Ichigo better than me!") The truth is that the more I watch anime, the more I come to love it. And really, there's so much to like about it, especially Bleach.

Writers like Tite Kubo write in such a way that you immediately become attached to the strong yet flawed protagonists because they are fascinating. I mean, really fascinating. Take Ichigo for example. He's a regular 15-year-old kid, with super-strong spirit power and the ability to detect other spiritual pressures. He gets excited too easily, and his strength sometimes seems to grow in direct proportion to his ego. He's the hero of the story because he's an ordinary guy with extraordinary powers.

Ichigo meets a soul reaper named Rukia, and from the beginning they have a sort of Elizabeth-Mr. Darcy relationship that goes on forever... and ever... and ever. But anyway, through a strange series of events, Rukia is forced to transfer her powers to Ichigo. Thus begins a totally ridiculous and absolutely wonderful adventure. Ichigo becomes a soul reaper and starts having these epic battles and get more and more powerful, and meets bigger and badder villains.

And the whole time, the only thing you want to know is whether or not Ichigo and Rukia will ever admit their love for each other.

Of course, he's fifteen and she's like over a thousand years old. But then... love knows know bound. Unfortunately, Bleach is a boy show, which means we'll probably never see them together. Ever. Although, there are currently 344 episodes. Maybe if I watch more, it'll happen. Yeah, that seems like a good reason to go back to my addiction :D

Not gonna happen...

Update October 26:

This show is about a bunch of manly men being the manliest they can be, conquering the biggest, baddest villains in the land through the use of their enormous egos and large... swords. If you ever want to know who's going to win a fight, you have to watch at least ten episodes (and maybe one filler stuck in there somewhere.)

Update #2 October 26:

And girls with boobs. (As opposed to the kind without...)

Update #3 October 26:

It has pretty good voice acting too. I actually really like the guy who does Ichigo. (In English, of course. I can't really tell what good voice acting is in Japanese...)

Living out your fantasy, the brightest star you've ever seen.

Working hard to get my fill

- Journey

A few thoughts about my job...

- I work at a library. Whenever I sneeze and a customer makes a comment about possibly having a cold or something, I just tell them I'm allergic to books.

- I've been working here for about a year and a half. I have one co-worker who's the type of person to always so your name when he talks to you, one of those really polite things. It's like how I always try to maintain eye contact with people to show respect. Anyway, for the last week, this co-worker has been calling me by the wrong name... in fact, he's been calling me by another co-worker's name that happens to start with an N. He's never had a problem with my name before, and I thought it was just a fluke the first time he did it a couple days ago. Now it's just too awkward to correct him. Today he did it in front of my circ partner, and she and I had a good laugh over it after he walked away. I have a feeling that if I work another branch for a bit and come back, he'll say the right name.

- I wear a nametag. Did I mention that? And sometimes I go home with it still on, and I'll sit with my family for the longest time before anyone mentions it...

- I am sick and tired of hearing the whole "I can't believe you charge us overdue fines. I pay your wages you know" thing. I put up with it for a while when I first started there. But now I've grown bold enough to humbly point out that I pay both taxes and fines.

- I love books. WAYYYYY too much. Like... I see books and I just have to have them. Anyway, I am a book lover, and I love taking walks... *sniff* I'm sorry, I'm thinking about books again. I just want to have them in a basket and in my bed... And all over my floor. Sorry, I'm getting emotional... I think about how many don't have a home and how I should have them. I just love books!!

- I'm pretty sure I could get drunk off the amount of hand sanitizer I use at work. I hate to say I'm a germophobe, but like... do you even know how many people touch the stuff that's in the library? Let me tell you... it's a lot.

- Today, someone told me that I was his favourite because I remember him and because once he forgot his card and I let him take out books because he knew his card number. I'll be honest... Yes, I do let people take out books if they know their card number. Because, really, that's the important part, right?

- See? I told you I really love books.















Yes, that is a shelf just for bibles and dictionaries.

- Pages are the backbone. Do not mess with the pages. Do not under-schedule them. Do not, for any reason, make them not want to do their job well. Because you really really need them to do their job well.

That is all for now. I'm sure there will be a part two, at some point. Maybe even a part three. I think a lot about my job (and of my job), so I have a lot of random things to say.

Everybody wants a thrill.

The shadow of your smile when you are gone...

- From "The Sandpiper"

Two weeks ago today, a very wonderful woman died. Her name was Maria and she was a mother, a grandmother and great-grandmother. She was my grandmother. I didn't exactly see her "breathe her last," but I did see her not take in another breath. I was with my mom (her daughter) and one of my sisters. She'd been breathing really slowly, like that was all her body could handle. Like breathing was the one last thing she could do. Every time she exhaled, I'd watch and wait for what seemed like forever to see her finally breathe in a quick, shallow breath. It was around 2am, and we weren't even really paying attention, but somehow the three of us all seemed to turn at the same time to watch her. And watch her. And watch her.

Finally, she stopped inhaling. Her breathing stopped, her heartbeat stopped. Everything. She just stopped living.

When I started making the rounds to my friends about telling them that Grandma had died, I thought about how they would react. Would they feel sympathetic? Of course they would. My friends care for me as I do for them, and of course they would feel bad for me. But did they know why they felt sad for me?

It occurred to me that many people don't give a second thought when an old person dies. I mean, they're old, and they won't live forever, right? So, it's not exactly a big shocker. But for me... wow. I wasn't shocked, and I'm still not shocked. She had too many things happening with her body, and these last few weeks were obviously just too much for her to handle. But the thing is that... she's just always been there. There was only really a six-year period of my life where she didn't live with my family. She helped raise me along with the rest of my family. She was always, always there.

I knew during these last few years that her health was failing her, that she was just getting worse and worse. I tried to mentally prepare myself for her death without getting all depressed over it. I knew it would happen. I'd get up every morning and go to her room to see if she was still breathing while she slept, or I'd find her already awake and she'd smile and say hello to me, ask me what time it was. I'm ashamed to admit that it scared the crap out of me every time I did this because I didn't want to be the one to find her dead one morning.

And of course, I did find her dead one morning, but at least I knew it was coming and I wasn't alone. But it still hurts like crazy that she's dead. Picking out a coffin felt so surreal. Talking about what would happen with her stuff brought out bitter-sweet memories. Watching her coffin go up in her special tomb next to the grandfather I never knew and listening to my brother sob was too much for me to handle.

Two weeks later, and I still have to remind myself that I don't have to get up and give her breakfast and her pills. I don't have to check on her to see if she's okay, I don't have to bring her something to drink... I don't have to do all those things I resented while she was alive. And now I wish I could have one day back just to sit with her, just to kiss her cheek, to listen to one of her crazy stories from back home. I can't have those things back. I don't ever have to painstakingly explain the time of year to her or answer the same question five times in a row. But I'd give almost anything to do that again.

She was such a part of me, my siblings and everyone who knew her the way she was. She was such a strong woman, so wise, so full of vitality. She certainly could complain about the pain she was in, and yet she still worked so hard. She was amazing and now she's gone. How am I ever supposed to deal with that?

My only consolation is that I know that those who believe in a risen Christ will never truly be affected by death. I know that even though death can take the physical form, can literally take the breath right out of you, it can never take your soul. Never. And I know that my grandmother is alive in Christ. I know she has no pain, no weird memory loss, and that maybe she's with my grandpa, the love of her life, right now.

Ever since my grandma's death, I've been looking at the people I love and thinking about how one day they'll die. I know for a fact now that those people won't live forever. And I may not even see them all die, but they will. This may sound extremely morbid, but at least I have the comfort of knowing that most of my loved ones are also believers. And for those who aren't, well... don't believe I won't try my hardest to convince them to be. Because as much as it hurt to lose my grandma, it would hurt even more to lose someone who isn't a believer.

The day before my grandma died, I came to see her at the hospital and called her name. It was clear her body was shutting down, but her eyes fluttered open very briefly, recognition dawned and she smiled wearily at me. Grandma... I can't wait to see your smile again.

... will colour all my dreams and light the dawn.

Do to others what you would have them do to you

- Matthew 7:12

What is so wrong with the world that one act of kindness can bring someone so close to tears? How can it be so surprising that a stranger would go out of their way for you? It's so sad to know that the world is such a "Do unto yourself as you would have done unto you"* kind of place.

A few weeks ago, a woman came into the library with an $80 dollar fine. At first she just handed me the overdue books, and was perfectly willing to pay her fines. But as I was checking in the books, she told me she felt really guilty about having them so long, but that she'd been in the hospital for two months because of colon cancer, I think it was.

And in my head, I was like, "Woah, wait a minute. I can't make this woman pay $80 for being in the hospital for two months. That's ridiculous." So I excused myself and went to talk to one of my superiors, who kind of half-sighed at me, but she told me to waive half the fines and have her pay the other half.

I swear, when I told that woman what I was doing, she literally almost cried. And she took my hand and said, "What's your name? Natasja? You are so kind, thank you so much." And I was like, "Well what did you expect? I can't make you pay all that after having been in the hospital."

My point is not to claim to be some kind of a good Samaritan, though the world could certainly use more of those. The point is more that I lost absolutely nothing by showing kindness to a complete stranger. And even if I had to go out of my way to help someone else, that lose is worth less than what the other person would gain. In other words, generally speaking doing right by showing kindness is profitable, no matter where the profit is. Does that make sense?

While I understand how uncomfortable it may be for some people to step out and do "the right thing," I still find it very sad that it should come as such a surprise. We should grateful, of course, but surprised? That's silly.


*I hope you appreciate my intentional misquotation

I want to be the things you see in me

- Tasjie

You know how sometimes you watch one of those sappy romance movies, where at some point he has to go away for whatever reason, and while they're saying goodbye she kisses him then just turns around and walks away, and then you're thinking, "That was bull! Go back there and give him a proper goodbye," and you think that you could never do that to someone you love?

Yeah well, I didn't think I would either, but I did. See, my fiancé, who still lives in the States, was up for a few days, and I had to take him to the bus eventually right? So I waited in line with him, then when I knew he would have to get on his bus, I kissed him, he said "I love you," and I whispered a barely-audible "I love you, too." Then I rubbed his chest a couple times, whispered and even less-audible "Bye," and just turned around and walked away.

I wish I hadn't done it, but it seemed like the best thing to do at the time. I'm tired of always having to say goodbye, and I don't like crying in front of him. But then after I walked away, I felt awful and even worse than I would have felt. I almost went back to him, but instead I walked to my car.

I'm lucky that I'm marrying someone like him, because he doesn't get angry or offended. He said he knows how I feel about him, and although it caught him off guard, he got over it. Which doesn't really make me feel any better about it, but it does make me feel better about him. If that's even possible.

The point here is that there will always be awful things you'll have to go through, and the only thing you can do is make the best of it. If you must say goodbye to someone, even temporarily, then you better make it the best goodbye you've ever done in your whole life. Also, it really helps to make sure that you tell that person how much you truly care for them and maybe throw in an extra hug and kiss.

You know them all so well, those things you see in me.

Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight...

- From "Sailor Moon"

So, I decided today that I wanted to make a series of posts about tv shows that I like/am currently interested in, to clear up my writer's block as I finish my future award-winning book. As a disclaimer, I'd just like to say that these are in no way reviews, they are rants, and they will most certainly contain spoilers. So turn back now if you HATE spoilers (and rants for that matter). If not, well then sit back and enjoy.

As you may have guessed, the first in my series is Sailor Moon. Oh Sailor Moon. There is so much to say here that I might end up with more than one post. Come to think of it, this will most likely happen for the other tv shows I plan on blogging about.

To start off, I'd just like to say that I've actually come to enjoy Sailor Moon. I wasn't going to go back and watch from the beginning, but then Gina started telling me all about it again and there I was... trying to make my way to episode 30, which I'll explain in a moment.

Secondly I'd like to say that I appreciate that this is originally Japanese, and to be fair, the voice acting is not half bad. But it really really bothers me whenever they talk about Tuxedo Mask and place the emphasis on "Mask." Like, whenever Sailor Moon sees him, she gets those big heart eyes, and says "Oh, Tuxedo MAAASSSK, you're HERE." Weird emphasis placement freaks me out a little, not gonna lie.

If you're anything like me, you will not get Tuxedo Mask at all. Because, come on, we all knew he was Darien by day. But like, in the first few episodes, Tuxedo Mask was like this romantic god-like hero, who was ALWAYS there whenever she was. But Darien was really just a jerk to her, and generally it was unprovoked. And then I would always ask myself why he was so mean to her. I mean, granted she's very annoying at the beginning, but generally she didn't even have to do anything before getting called "Meatball Head."

It starts to make sense after a while of course, when you realize that Darien honestly has no idea that he's Tuxedo Mask, or who he is at all. For the sake of romance, you ignore the HUGE age gap between Darien and Serena, and start wondering if they'll ever figure out who the other person really is. And if they will be together in the end.

Of course, throughout the show, the girls always have to be obsessed over some boy or another. Serena always has this ridiculous crush on Andrew (despite Tuxedo Mask's romanticness and heroness). And she just goes on and on, but there's like... no chemistry. And then at one point, she and Lita are both like fawning over him, even though he's got a girlfriend who's moving to Africa and... ugh! The whole thing. Andrew just seems like an unnecessary complication for Serena. It would have been better if they tried to put a little more back and forth between her and Darien, and then she'd be like, "I kind of hate Darien, but he's kinda cute, but I love Tuxedo MASK," and when she finds out they're the same person... poof! Instant success. But anyway...

By the time you get to episode 30, you pretty much know what's gonna happen, but it's fun watching the characters find out. In case you haven't seen it: Darien finds out Serena's Sailor Moon, and Serena finds out he's Tuxedo MASK. Also, she's the moon princess. But Luna, despite being a posh, talking cat, was too stupid to know it.

Oh, and they were lovers at one point, and pretty much are still in love. Sorry Sailor Mars, but you just weren't meant to be with Darien or Tuxedo Mask. (Did I mention they were kinda dating, which really bugged me because Raye kind of only did it to annoy Serena?) Anyway... Together forever, yay! Well of course, this is only a brief run-down of the first season.

So anyway, I haven't even really talked about the other Sailor Scouts, but I think that will have to wait for my next blog. So be looking for it!!

- Never running from a real fight, she is the one... Sailor Moon!

I'll be in my studio, studio

- Spongetta

Sorry to anyone who will have that in their heads for the next two weeks. At least it's better than... umm... uhh... well anyway, can't wait till Glee makes a version of it.

But seriously though, if you can't find me, I most likely would be in my studio. My studio being my bedroom of course. Let me tell you, my room has lousy acoustics. For anyone who's listened to my songs, you'll know I always use a least a little bit of reverb. I pretty much have to. Otherwise, it just sounds disgusting. Thanks to my sister and her husband, I have a great mic and recording program that I'm quickly learning to use.

(Ok, well that's kind of a half lie. When I first got the program, I kept asking Joel how to do like, everything, and he was like "read the manual, it's really helpful." And I tried to. I still couldn't figure it out. So I would call him and be all like, "Joel, I really just really need to know how to do this," and he'd sigh and walk me through it.)

So most mornings that I'm not working, I sit in my studio either practicing, recording, or posting snippets of me covering popular songs on my friends' facebook walls. I say "snippets" because facebook has never allowed me to post anything over 1:06, and usually has to be less than like 40 seconds, which is really barely enough time for a chorus. But I manage. Because my fans need me. Obviously.

Speaking of work... since everyone asks me all the time - yes I do enjoy it. Greatly. Other than feeling like I'm seriously developing a case of carpal tunnel from scanning books (my dad always says "Happy scanning!" whenever I leave for work), I really do like it. I think what I like most is seeing so many faces. Granted, some of them aren't very pleasant (and I'm not speaking physically). But a lot of them are really nice to me. I can't count how many times someone has called me sweet for offering to renew books that are due the next day, or just for telling them I liked their choice.

Technically, we're not really supposed to comment on things people take out. But sometimes people ask me if I've read/seen it, or get really excited and tell me how awesome it is, or why they're taking those things out, and then I'm socially obligated to comment back, but I always keep on the positive side so that I always make the library look good. Other times it's just really slow, and I'm desperate for conversation, so I'll say "that is a great choice, by the way," and that usually gets people talking.

Anyway, people are generally nice to me. (Sometimes the men are a little too nice to me. Whenever my co-workers notice, they'll say "Did you flash your ring at him?") So yes, I really do enjoy spending time at the library. And man, do I bring home a lot of books. Like a ton. More than I should really, since I always feel like I never have time to record music. But-but... I like books!!


Uh! Uh! In my studio, studio!

Open up those wings, you're gonna fly

- Joel Wright

Changed my template again...
Yes, I've gone back to a pinkish background. Deal. It's not that I like pink better than other colours. (My favourite colour is actually yellow, we all know that.) But pink just seems to suit me better I guess. Plus it's pretty!

I'M GETTING MARRIED!
Two weeks ago yesterday, my boyfriend proposed to me. And of course I said yes. I said it very quietly, but he heard it. And he knows how much I want to. While most of the time the future is very scary to me, I can be certain of one thing: I will get married to the man of my dreams. And I know we'll take care of each other. See? Much less scary.

Recording tip #1
A few weeks ago, I discovered that adding reverb to a song you've just recorded makes it sound ten times better and more professional. Even if it's barely noticeable, and even if it's a lot. Makes a huge difference. I think that's the one thing that every closet recording artist should know. I mean, yeah it should be good, and well-performed and all that. But reverb is really the key to making a listenable song.

The library
I work at a library. It's sometimes very tedious (trust me on this), and sometimes challenging (which is a good thing). But my favourite thing about it is the regulars. Just seeing them and knowing exactly what they'll bring back and take out. And I've only been there about two months, but most of them know my name. But they all at least know me. You can tell by the way they smile and greet me. I guess that's one of those things I've always wanted in a job.

Looks like I might be spending an American thanksgiving this year. That could be fun!

You'll never know what if unless you try to fly.

And they called it puppy love

- Donny Osmond

I'm only going to say this one more time. I am not by any means a die-hard Justin Bieber fan. I definitely think he sings songs that are too old for him, and I'm a little annoyed that he almost sings better in my range than I do.

But honestly, I am so sick of hearing people say "Oh, but when he grows up, his voice will change and he won't be able to sing anymore." Well, I'd just like to point out a few things. For one thing, men's voices are different than women's. If a man has got a voice, it will stay good pretty much till the day he dies, whereas women have to continuously work to keep a good singing voice after her younger years.

And for another thing... I challenge ANYONE to watch this
and tell me that Donny Osmond was not successful later in life because "his voice changed and couldn't sing after that."

Honestly, give the kid a break. He's not awful (pretty good actually, if you ask me) and if you really can't stand his songs, then for Heaven's sake, don't listen to them!

How can I tell them this is not a puppy love?

Who could ask for anything more?

- Ella Fitzgerald

Tonight's blog will be slightly random again; just getting out some thoughts. I am also somewhat hyper as you'll probably be able to tell from my writing. So here goes...


How not to be a loser

I have the most awesome family, awesome friends, an awesome boyfriend and pretty awesome roommates too. I mean, I got lucky with the types of people that influence my life. I just don't hang out with losers. It's pretty sweet, if you ask me. I mean... I couldn't ask for anything more. I can honestly say that I hang out with these people because I'm just naturally attracted to awesome people. And no, you won't convince me it's the other way around.

Racism

I realized today that I had no idea what racism was or that it even existed before being told that it was wrong. Do you see a problem with this? I do. You know what it is about racism that makes it even more apparent? It's the fact that we so often point out and discuss discrimination. The thing is that it shouldn't even be about discrimination, but rather distinction. The fact is, we make a distinction between different ethnic groups, genders and ages. WHY? I just don't get this.

Shouldn't a person's worth lie in what they're good at, what they can do? Or even just in the fact that everyone is human, everyone trips up, we are all the same. Distinctions should be made based on what a person is good at. And even then, we should recognize that every individual has potential in their lives. If you want my advice on stopping racism - and some people might chew me out for this - we should just stop discussing it, and start learning how to act like decent human beings who have respect for every person on God's Earth.

Showers

Do you ever have one of those moments in the shower where it's just so good to stand in the flowing hot water, and you never want to get out because you know then you'll have to face reality? Yeah? I'd say "join the club," but eventually someone will figure out we're the ones hogging all the hot water.

Essaying

My theory on essaying is that you should treat it like something fantastic - like an online flash game. Oh, we've all got our favourites. And I'm sure we could all agree that the best part of a flash game is seeing how high you can get your score. That's how it should be when writing an essay. Do the very best you can, try to get the highest score imaginable - and beat your friend's while you at it.

Learn to love it. Like you love flash games. Soon, you might find writing essays enjoyable and playing flash games a chore... Yeah, that sounded stupid in my head, too.


Hope you enjoyed tonight's random bloggage (to the extreme!). Have a nice night everyone and happy studying! (Just like a flash game, just like a flash game...)


I've got rhythm, I've got music. I've got my man...

So she sang

- Tasjie

I have probably never had more of a desire to be mainstream than I do at this moment. I guess I should start at the beginning...

See, I love music, it really is my passion. My favourite thing ever to just sing, and it makes me so happy to do so. So keep that in mind with what's going on in this blog.

I like to write music. I have a lot of songs now, kinda. And yeah, they sound kinda depressing at times. I don't know what it is, I just can't seem to write songs that sound more upbeat. Maybe it's a combination of the way my voice sounds, the chords I chose, the content. They are always meant to be uplifting, and in a way they are. (Or so I've been told. I mean, that's the way I intended them to be.)

But I'll be the first to admit that some of them don't really have replay value and wouldn't be that popular. Others, though, people really seem to like. The new one I wrote last month "Love for the End is Near" people seemed to like, and even seemed a little surprised that I wrote it. But that makes me happy.

The thing is, I'm not really that great a performer, at least not solo. Maybe I was just way too nervous. Forgetting lyrics, chords, even sometimes from my own songs... Granted, this is the first time I've done something like this on my own. But I can't help feeling disappointed in myself for not just... being better I guess.

Which brings me back to the whole mainstream thing. Maybe if my songs were more of a mainstream value, then they might be better-liked, and I would have more confidence in playing and singing them. Or maybe it's just me being me, and there's no way I could improve it. I mean, when I play alone, not gonna lie, I sound amazing at times. I know I'm talented, and that I can put a song together (even if it sounds kinda sad), but when it's for other people it just all falls apart.

Like, when I'm performing with my family, it's different. We all work with each other so well, and even if one messes up, it's generally easily covered by someone else. And we sound so good together, because we're just a mass of talent. And I definitely feel ten times more confident being with them.

I guess what I would need to "get more experience." But honestly, half of me just wants to give up. Because sometimes I just feel like my songs are really worth it, and since I'm not even that great in concert, then why bother right? But the other half of me just loves music so much that I know I could never ever give it up. But for the moment, I feel like I might be done sharing, at least for a while.

At least I know I can always trust a Shure mic...


She may not be a superstar, she just be another girl. But she's still got that voice inside, the one that shows itself when she sings.

And the love profusion you make me feel, you make me know

- Madonna


So I guess I haven't been around lately. In truth, I was in France from early September to Christmas, and at that time I wrote on my other blog, Travel 101. I'm not actually done with that one yet because a) I haven't really shared all the experiences I had in Europe, and b) I'm not quite done traveling. But for now, I'm back here, talking about who knows what, and saying whatever I like because, hey, it's my blog.

Today's blog will be kinda random because I just want to briefly share some things I've been thinking lately...

Sounds
Do you realize how much the voice is attached to identity? When you think of someone you're close to, you imagine their face, perhaps the way they are around you, and... you guessed it! Their voice. When I think of the friends I made in Europe, each one comes attached with their voice; its register, its timbre, its tone, its accent, and even the things the person would say. Auditory perception is so strong, yet subtle so we don't even realize it's happening.

For that matter, some sounds can be so familiar to us, they remind of us things we know or knew, places we love or don't. If you've ever been in the kitchen and all of a sudden the fridge stops buzzing, you'll know what I mean. How about the sound of swings in a playground? (This really takes me back, because I grew up with a schoolyard behind my backyard and I spent a lot of time there. I also happen to know that those swings produced a pitch that, as I swung forward, would slide from a Bb to an Ab.) Sounds - those sneaky little things that we didn't realize were even ingrained in our memories. It's so cool.

History
What's even the point of learning about it, if we just repeat it over and over?

Music
You all know how much I love music. I do. My favourite thing about it though is that there is something for everyone. Really. I'm not a fan of rap, you'll know this if you know me even a little. But apparently there are actually people who like it, and you know what? I'm cool with that. It really doesn't bother me, as long as you don't force it down my throat.

Everyone's tastes are different and everyone's styles are different. Justin Bieber. Yeah, he's 15 years old, he sings songs that are way too old for him, his voice will change one day, and he's currently a huge icon in the teeny-bopper culture. So what? Give the kid a break and let him have his 15 minutes, k?

Spring
I'd like to believe in the most magical, beautiful thing in the entire world, but come on. This is Southern Ontario. Spring means melting snow, which ultimately leads to slush, puddles, mud, muddy grass, and dead-looking lawns. Not to mention how much salt, cigarette butts and general garbage you can see left behind during the winter months. Thank goodness it eventually rains and washes all that crap away.

And then, there's the cold. Ah yes, flu season always seems to strike those enjoying the beautiful, ten-degree weather without checking to see that there wasn't a blizzard coming the next day. And then they're stuck in bed for a week. Which is awesome when you're a kid and it's ok if you miss class. Not so awesome when you're trying to graduate from university.

Seriously, the only good thing about Spring is... No, can't think of one single thing. Except maybe the end.


My lovely, faithful readers, thank you for stopping by once again.

I've got you under my skin, I've got you under my skin.

This is my face, covered in freckles...

- Kate Nash

Today's blog is about makeup. No, it didn't take me three months to conceptualize the topic. Rather it took about 3 seconds. Why? Because I've heard the comment "You know, you'd look so beautiful/gorgeous/pretty/etc if you wore a little make-up" a few too many times. The funny thing is that this statement is always followed by "not that you aren't already" comment. Usually I just laugh it off in hopes that people will get the hint. I guess not. When they ask why I don't, I usually prefer not to go too in depth with my answer, and so I always end up giving them the excuse that I just don't have time for it. Which isn't untrue. I mean, if I wanted to, I'd make time for it. But I don't. So, what are my real reasons for avoiding makeup? Are you ready for this?

1) God didn't need make-up to make me.
Therefore, there's no reason for me to try to improve the way I look. He cares more about where and how my heart is, and frankly, so do I. Instead of trying to improve upon the way I look, I'd rather start inward and work my way out. If ever I find that what's inside of me is perfect, then maybe I'll consider wearing makeup. Which, by the way, is pretty impossible. Which, by the way, is my point.
2) Don't fix what ain't broke.
If I already am "beautiful/gorgeous/pretty/etc" then there is no reason for me to try to improve on that. Again, I care more about what's inside me and other people.
3) What does the Bible say about makeup?
Although I don't think the word "makeup" is used in the Bible, there are instances where it's mentioned in some way. Generally makeup is reserved for, well, prostitutes. Nough said?
Esther wore makeup. But for one reason... so that she could be pleasing to Xerses so he'd choose her to be queen, because he was obviously shallow. And she ended up being queen and saving her people. However, I'm thinking... that makeup is not going to help me save the Canadians. But if it came to that, I could do it.

I'm leaving on a jet plane

- Chantal Kreviazuk

Ok, so I'm not leaving just yet. BUT! I am going to France to study in the Fall. I'm going to the Université François Rabelais in Tours. One of my teachers told me that the people in Tours think they have the purest French. "Français pur de Tours," they say. She also told me that that's the place to find all the castles. So, I'm definitely looking up castles to go see in Tours because well... who wouldn't want to see a real castle? (I mean, other than Casaloma :P)

I'm also planning a little trip up to Belgium to see some relatives. That should be nice. Also, since I'll be away from home during my birthday, I've decided I'll celebrate by doing something that I've wanted to do ever since I was little... I'm gonna go to Italy. Maybe for a weekend or something. I'm thinking Venice, Milan, Rome... Cathedrals, art, history and more. And I'm super-excited for it all. Like, just thinking about going there makes me nervous and excited and all those feelings I'm sure will reproduce the minute I get off the plane.

The hard part is being away from here. I've never been gone from home that long... and by home, I mean both Waterloo and Bowmanville. And everyone keeps telling me how much they'll miss me and like... I'll miss everyone too. So much. I wouldn't ever be able to replace the people I love with new, French ones, either. That's just a silly notion. So I'm hoping... they won't be able to replace me while I'm gone for three and half months. (I know, it's a silly notion.) And I get home sick really easily. But I know this will be a great experience for me, and I'm hoping to come back more cultured and with a better ability to communicate in French. (Not to mention I'm gonna have some awesome Christmas presents this year.)

Anyway, I'm not gone yet, so don't even think about looking for a replacement yet!

So kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me.