Look at the shape I'm in, talking to the walls again

- Finger Eleven

You're probably wondering why I keep changing the layout and template of my blog. Truth is, I get bored of that kind of stuff really easily. I'm also a really bad procrastinator. In fact, if my room were any bigger, I'd rearranging it instead of typing this. But for the sake of my many many millions of tonnes of faithful readers (AKA Gina), I guess I should keep writing here.

Not sure why you keep reading, I don't write much of value. Usually I write because I'm bored, not even because I have something on my mind. And the reason I don't have something on my mind right now is because there's not space at the moment for free thought. It's too cluttered with things that I have to do and things I will have to do. I illuminated the no on my vacancy sign and put Mary and Joseph in the stable long before this school year even started. And yet... here we are.

Procrastination; it's an art, somewhat like writing, dancing, singing or painting. Only it takes a lot less perseverance and a lot more practice. (It requires practice because it's easy to procrastinate on one thing by accomplishing another, which is both counter-productive and productive, depending on how you look at it.) If I ever had to write a thesis on any topic in the world, I'd probably end up writing about the various forms of procrastination and its effects on the average university student. I could just write an article for the Cord, but then I'd go to edit on Tuesday and not like any of it and end up rewriting the whole thing before the paper got published.

Now listen, I wouldn't have to procrastinate if I didn't have things to do... Wait, let's rephrase that. If there wasn't so much to do, to think about, to have figured out, to accomplish before I go to bed at 2am, there wouldn't be such a need for procrastination. And it's not just me, I know this. Today's society is just so driven toward accomplishing something, getting goals, making money, moving moving moving forward at such a high velocity that if you stand still for just a moment you're likely to get run over. If everyone just stopped for a day and went shopping then at least that'd be a way of slowing down (and getting the economy flowing.)

Hopefully not everyone will go shopping the same day. Then some people might actually get run over.

Look at the state I'm in, bent and broken is all I've been.

Hardcore superstar by far, you're the ultimate star

- Tegan and Sara

Among my oh-so-special talents is singing while playing guitar. I really started to learn guitar because a) it friggin rocks and b) I liked the idea of being able to be my own accompaniment. It was like the idea of having my own back-up band (who is really just me, strummin' some chords.) True, it was difficult to learn to play at first, my friends can attest to that. (Developping my singing was a lot easier, but that's a different story.) I really just wanted to be able to do it so that I wouldn't just be singing random songs, I'd be singing songs someone knew and having the right keys and beats that come with the playing of a guitar. That's all there was to it. I just didn't want to sing alone, but at the same I wanted to sing by myself.

Over the last year, I've been really trying hard to get the whole guitar thing going. It's been working well, I guess. Personally, I just like the sense of enjoyment and accomplishment I feel when I can play and sing a song well. Lately, people have been telling me how good I'm getting. Especially, of course, my wonderful friend who actually take the time to listen to me, even if I sound horrible. (And by "take the time to..." I really mean they give me requests and I do my best.) My mother is always encouraging, she always tells me how much she enjoys my singing. And it's fun, it really is.

It's weird when people get like, excited over how good they say I am. Not necessarily in a bad way, just... a new thing for me. Like when Gina says, "Tasj, when you're a multinational award-winning singer-guitarist, don't forget the little people," then I have no idea what to say to that. Truth is, Gina, I am one of the little people. I probably always will be. Not because I don't have talent. But because I lack the confidence and vision to ever see myself as a "star." I'm not even sure if I'd like it. I mean, I like when people hear me sing and they think it's nice. And I really really enjoy singing. And I'll sing till the day I die. It's just so much a part of who I am.

So what do I do? Give up a safe life for at chance at my dream? Or do I keep doing what I'm doing and save music for my own amusement. Sadly (or not so sadly, depending on how you look at it), I will choose the latter. Don't worry, you'll always hear me sing. Just maybe not on the radio.

At least not yet.

Do you wanna be a superstar? Cause that's what you are. You're gonna be a star.

This is my brain; its torturous, analytical thoughts make me go insane.

- Kate Nash

I really needed to rant tonight about something that really bothers me. I've been complaining about it for a couple weeks now. Those who know me know I'm a stickler for proper grammar; it's just a part of who I am.

I've always felt like anyone who speaks, writes and reads a language should know the rules of that language, and use them accordingly. Now, I understand that as we grow up, we make mistakes, we learn from them, we better ourselves. So, I'm ignoring teeny-bopper Ebonics for the sake of this one blog. (That may come later, after more research about it.) I'm also not including foreigners in this blog, because I know how difficult it is to grasp another language when one is comfortable with his own.

No, now I'd like to present to you the bane of my existence: middle-aged people with some sort of authority, (and to whom I pay money) who cannot use the English language properly, even if it is their first and only known language. More specifically, I'd like to rant about my new landlord, who can't seem to write a coherent email. Let's start with the email that has been bothering for a couple weeks now:

"Again - they may be there to the very end - since they are there now - but if they are out early - I will let you know - but don't count on it it seems"

Where to even begin? First of all, most of his emails consist of fragmented sentences, bad or non-existent punctuation, and often confusing statements. Luckily, this email I could understand. However, that does not excuse the use of hyphens to separate sentences and even clauses. This should just not happen. Ever. And it honestly bothers me that I'm going to pay this man - a man who can't be bothered to write properly - money every month. While I understand that he wasn't necessarily an English major, that does not excuse his poor grammar.

Furthermore, although I'm probably "just a student" in his eyes, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't care about how he writes his emails. Considering email is a widely acceptable form of communication in today's society, you would think that people would learn how to write properly, or at least hire someone who could.

So what do I do now? Well, to be honest, if he were my friend and not my landlord, I would correct his horrible abuse of hyphenation, and show him how to properly punctuate that last email. But I can't, obviously, because he's my landlord - not someone with whom I feel I can share my opinion. So instead, I now have to write him an email back (since he misunderstood me the first time I emailed him), make sure that my email is properly written, hope he gets the hint (which he won't), and anxiously await his reply. Which I'm sure will be riddled with under-capitalization, spelling errors, improper punctuation... and hyphens, of course. And here for your amusement, or so that you understand my position a little better, another one of his emails about free couches:

"Again - we have 2 free nice couches up for grabs - present tenants want them moved by this weekend = too nice to toss - but someone needs to claim & grab ASAP = before Sat."

Did I mention that he also really likes using "="? Particularly when they're not necessary, I've noticed. Am I the only one who cares anymore about grammar and maintaining the integrity of language? Please tell me I'm not.

And I'm singing uh-oh on a Friday night, and I hope everything's gonna be alright.

It's when I'm at my worst that you're at your best.

- Salvador

God always seems to give me good things when I least expect them; not when I want them or feel like I need them. But at the most perfect moment.

Just when I feel like I've lost something, He gives me something else. Sometimes, I think it's just to prove to me that He is my provider when I'm doubting. Sometimes, I think it's just because He loves me. It's never anything I did - I certainly don't deserve any of it.

There are many skeptics out there that believe God doesn't care because "life is so miserable." Life is only miserable if we choose to let it be, to believe it is. I know, "God lets bad things happen." That has never been a convincing argument to me. Especially when I hear about situations that could have been prevented by other people.

"But what about natural disasters, like hurricane Katrina?" you might ask. Yeah, we totally took care of that mess... You know, there are some things that we just can't control, we can only take the situation and turn it whichever way we need to to survive. There are so many people in the world who are capable of helping those suffering. But, out of sight, out of mind, right? Yeah, I can totally see how God would let such atrocities happen. (SARCASM)

If only everyone trusted God more, if everyone prayed, if everyone were truly one in Christ like the Bible says we should be. If only we took care of the things we can take care of and let God handle the rest...

When you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do?

Soo... as a reply to request from a suggestion I gave to Gina (yeah, figure that one out), I kinda sorta half-promised that I would learn to play and sing the song Powerless by Nelly Furtado and then facebook it. Yeah, not gonna happen any time soon, Gina.

For one thing, every time I go to record it, I choke up. Just like I do when I have to sing by myself in front of people who aren't blood related. Yeah, I know, I did a few songs for my friends while they were helping me pack up. But that's a little different. I just can't seem to get past that initial nervousness that tells me I will mess up, and then I do.

Secondly, I have nothing that is adequate enough for my liking to produce a good quality sound. Tried my sister's camera, that wasn't very good. Tried a webcam, but those are always iffy. It's just not going very well.

Thirdly, and I know this will be hard to believe, but I'm no Nelly Furtado. She can do stuff that I can't. Like make a good music video. Get a back-up band. Get on the radio...

So here's my apology to Gina, in case I made a promise I can't keep. I don't think it's gonna happen. I'll do it live for you one day. Just don't ever expect me to be on the radio anytime soon. (Like you did in the first place, right?)

By the way Gina, you should be updating our blog soon... If we ever remember how to sign in, hehe.

Hey you the one outside...

It's really good to HEAR YOUR VOICE!

Well I don't really like yours, singer from Hinder. Listen I know you're all popular and stuff, but I still don't like you, or this song. Actually, no, the song is ok.... it's just you. Honestly, it sounds ten times better when sung opera-style, but whatever. I guess I'll just live with. Plus I've already complained about this song in my blog.

Speaking of opera, Gina and I have decided that any rock or pop song can be sung like opera. It's really funny too. Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone loses their voice... (Usually me.) Where am I going with this? Oh yeah... if you ever hear someone singing "Lips of an Angel" like an opera, you know I'm probably around somewhere (within a 50km radius, no doubt.)

Anyway, check out my friends blogs, if you're not already one of them. And of course, the new one that Gina, Alana and I created. It's bound to make you laugh... like, a lot. Go for it!!

Coming from the lips of an angel, saying those words it makes me weak... *I mean* weep.

If I wrote you a love note that made you smile with every word I wrote...

Justin Timberlake... I friggin love that song. It's just that great.

For some reason, my life is defined by awkward events. It just happens that way. I know other people who have this awkward things happening to them all the time too. It's so weird.

Awkward situation 1: Walking around a place that you don't live in or know very well and a foreigner comes to ask you directions.
Today I was in Toronto, a few blocks from the CN Tower, listening to very loud music when some guy catches my attention. He asks me where the "big tower" is. Uhhhh.... In his defense, it was cloudy out. He also asked if I knew where there were any hotels in the area. I pointed to the giant Marriott across the street. Sadly, I could not point him in the direction of a drug store for film for his camcorder. But I'm sure he could have gone to the the largest Canadian Tire in Canada that was beside the Marriott.

Awkward Situation 2: Riding on a bus with a teacher.
No matter how well you know the teacher, how well you get along, how long ago they taught you, this will always be awkward. Period.

Awkward situation 3: Wrong lyrics.
Singing along to a song with other people, thinking you know what the heck you're doing. You don't. You start either making up the words and making everyone laugh, or going "And bla bla, dooo do de do da da watermelon." Go for the awkward turtle.

Awkward Situation 4: Broad sweeping generalizations in the presence of someone who fits that category.
Yup, you went and made fun of the Catholics again forgetting that one of your friends is Catholic. You brush it off, saying it's due to your atheism. Even if you're a protestant. Or a Jew. Or a Buddhist.

Awkward Situation 5: Getting caught and admitting the truth.
You sleep through your 8:30 class (who can blame you?), and later on in the day you see your teacher, even make eye contact. When they ask how you've been the past couple weeks, and why you weren't in class that morning, you are forced to admit that you accidentally slept through it. If you're lucky, like me, you have to try to explain it in another language. You end up blurting out that you probably would have fallen asleep in class anyway, not realizing how that would sound. Awkward turtle. Run.

Awkward Situation 6: Awkward connections.
You know, when you find out someone from high school is dating your sister's best friend from college. Or finding out your boyfriend's cousin lives two doors down. Or that the guy you randomly hooked up with at that party is your 1st cousin. Or that your least favourite teacher is your girlfriend's favourite uncle.

AWKWARD!!!!

Because.... I could see us holding hand, walking on the beach our toes in the sand.

Hey hey! You you! I don't like your girlfriend!

Well, Avril, I don't like this song. (Actually, I don't like many of your songs.) Today's blog is about top hit songs I dislike and the reasons I dislike them.

1) I guess we should start with "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne. I guess I don't like this song because I find it extremely self-centered. So what if you would make a better girlfriend? This guy you can't get over is obviously with someone else for a reason, so you know what? Let it go. If you are such a precious princess, I'm sure some other guy would love to have you as his girlfriend... And, oh yeah, you stole your beat and chord progression from "Hey Mickey," but don't worry. I don't think you can copy-right that kind of stuff.

2) "Hate that I Love You" by Rihanna and Ne-Yo. Personally, I just don't get it. Do you love each other or frickin hate each other? Sounds like both in this song. Which makes no sense, actually. You pretty much hate the fact that you love him, then why do you even love him at all? And the video! You both end up with different people at the end, but you love each other, but you hate that you love each other, which is why you are with other people, but you still love each other... You know, your concept of "love" is really messed up, it seems.

3) "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. First of all, you just don't have the voice or the sound for this type of song. It should be sweet and gentle, not of the verge of screaming. Secondly, what are you doing with another woman when you're clearly not over the first?!

4) "I get around" by Dragonette. Need I say more? Seriously, you don't want to get me started.

5) "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake. Honestly, you're not that sexy. And you can do much better than this song. And you have. Which is good.

6) "Wonderful" by Chantal Kreviazuk. Well, I have mixed feelings about this one. I like the sound of the song, and Chantal is actually talented. I even like the verses a little. But I hate the chorus. And, as we all know, the chorus is the part you'll always get stuck in your head. The chorus makes her sound a little (aka very) desperate for someone's attention. Who that someone is, I don't think we know. A lover, an ex-lover and friend-with-benefits? Anyway, I just don't like the way it makes her sound. (Again, people with their messed up version of love. Love and sex - not equatable.) Plus, do you really need to tell us you're wonderful? Seems a little conceited to me.

Sorry if some of these are among your favourites. I like to listen to the radio a lot, so I hear a lot of the top songs being played. Some of them are really good, and some I don't even mind listening to. But I have a tendency to over-analyze things, and this is what comes out.

You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious...

(What the... ? That's not even grammatically correct.)

These Words Are My Own

Thanks, Natasha Bedingfield. I find it ironic when someone other than you sings that song.

In my opinion, there are four types of love. You may disagree with some, but this is my blog, after all. So I'll write what I want, and you can read what you want.

1) Familial Love is probably the most natural thing to feel. Your family consists of the people who raised you, the ones who were there for you during the hard times and the happy times. In some cases, these people may not even be blood related and they may even include the pet. But if they are who you consider and call "family," then you'll always love them, whether you always want to or not. Familial Love is rarely unrequited. It could also hurt the most because your family is the group of people you probably hold closest. Everyone has a need to be loved - the first place to start would be in a family.

2) Friendly Love is that deep fondness you feel for the people you regularly spend time with. You understand them, they understand you. You might even feel like the same person at times. You support each other, have fun, maybe even live together at some point. You mostly feel attracted to your friends' personalities (in a non-romantic way, I'm getting to that), which is what makes you want to spend time with them so much. What you feel for them can only be described as a type of love, so you might as well admit it right now that you love them.

3) Romantic Love is often confused with lust, physical attraction, sex... (sex and love are not synonymous.) That means that you are not in love with every hot guy or girl you meet. This type of love is complicated, at best. It may be totally worth it, but it's still very complicated. You may be rejected, you may get hurt. You might just move on and forget the person you so adamantly proclaimed to be in love with. I try not to be cynical about this type of love. I see it wherever I go, and it truly is a beautiful thing. But so often it gets mixed up with other things. I don't believe in love at first sight. Why can't we just admit when we feel physically attracted to someone, and not call it "love"? Friendly Love can be taken for Romantic Love. While I agree you can be friends with the person you're in love with (actually, you probably should be), that doesn't mean you should be "in love" with all your friends. Everyone is different, so the person you fall for depends on the person you are. See? Very complicated. To say anymore on the subject would take three more blogs.

4) God's Love is the most powerful, wonderful and forgiving type of love anymore. While I put this one last on my list, it's certainly not the least. You can have no family, no friends, no "special someone," and God will still love you. You can feel indifferent about God, and He'll still love you. You can be mad at Him and feel like you hate Him, and He'll forgive you and keep loving you. You can trust that He'll never let you down, and put your whole future into His hands because He loves you. It's the most simple type of love ever. Yet people still try to fill this void with other things. It's good to have friends, family, people to share your love with. But there's nothing quite like God's Love. Again, this is something that would take five blogs just for you to get a sense of what it means to love and be loved by God. So, I guess I'll stop here before I get all preacher's kid on you.

I know you're probably wondering why I've completely disregarded a love of humanity in general. I guess that's because I don't see that as being a type of love. All of the loves I've listed above are personal. It's the love you feel for people you know. I do, however, see the point in having compassion for humankind. Compassion is a different story. You can have compassion for the people you love, and for the rest of the world. The dying children, the lonely millionaire, the soldiers, the people no one really thinks about, the people that start wars, the people that end wars, the average every day just-like-us people. It doesn't necessarily mean you "love" them all. But you can be compassionate.


I love you, I love you. That's all I've got to say. Can't think of a better way. And that's all I've got to say. I love you, is that ok?

What's in a name?

Thanks, Bill... er... William Skakespeare. Let's fall in love and run away together. I don't care if you are a Shakespeare...

So, I thought I should discuss the blog URL. Because I obviously have no life. And I'm sure "toshibatasj" looks really weird to those who don't know the story.

Ok, my Spanish teacher always calls me "Natasjita" or "Tasjita." Because "ita" (or "ito") is one of those little diminutive suffixes that you can add to the end of a name to create a term of endearment.

(Can I interject here? Well, it is my blog... The Italian equivalent of this suffix is "ino." So I was thinking about the word "bambino," which means "children," and wondering if that that was just a word with the suffix "ino" added to it. So I look up bambo, and what does it mean? Fool. Italians are great, aren't they?

While I'm interjecting, can I just say that the word "suffix" is one of my favourite things ever. I don't know why, but I am aware of my total geekiness.... geekocity...)

Back to my story... I tell my friends about this, and they say "Aw, Tasjita, that's cute." Until... ok, I can't remember who, but I'm pretty sure it was Corey who accidently said "Toshiba" instead of "Tasjita." And ever since then they've called Toshiba, Tasjie, Tasja, Tasj... Yeah, there's my little story about me and my nickname.

As an addition to the story I should tell about the time that Gina and Alana came over, and Gina looks at my DVD player and literally (litrally) screams "TOSHIBA!" I have no idea why, considering it was made by Samsung, but ok, whatever makes you happy Gina...

Gina are you Italian??

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Here's the plan, I think I got it made...

Yes, Stellar Kart, you've made it quite clear.

Hospitals are so stupid. I'm sure the original idea behind them was quite brilliant at the time it was conceived. But clearly, the brilliancy of the concept has been obliterated by rules, protocol and a non-stop barricade of administration.

Really, I totally get that health care here is free. I understand that I am privileged enough to have someone tell me what's wrong with me and not worry about how much it will cost in the end. But is too much to ask for few more doctors to, ya know, have around in case of an emergency?? Is our society so messed up that you can't find honest people who are willing to work for less to aide the rest of society?

I've seen too many people stand in a seemingly never-ending line in the emergency room, and I don't want to be one again. The state of condition that our hospitals are in is depressing, at best. I just wish I knew how to fix it. But I guess that's why there are people "higher up." Ya know, the ones who are there to find solutions to problems that us normal people are not capable of developing ourselves.

I really don't think I'm asking for much here. What I'm really concerned about is seeing sick people go in and come out... before they die.

I also decided that if I should die waiting in the emerge line, then I want someone to play Apologize at my funeral. Or Sere Nere, because I'm obsessed with that song.

This is purpose of my life, the is the reason I'm alive. Don't have time to wait.

I'm having trouble saying what I mean...

Thanks Natasha Bedingfield. Let me know how that works out.

I am writing my second blog today because... oh yeah, I have an article to write for Friday. But I have something on mind that I must let out.

So, I'm a language major right? And I always get asked, "Don't you ever confuse all those languages?" This answer to this is no. I don't confuse them. (Well, at least not very often.) Rather, my brain picks a language it prefers to think in.

Some days, I ask myself, " Am I French today?" Today I am Italian. I keep trying to write this opinion article for my French class, and just randomly it turns into Italian.

I must make a distinction here. I'm not confusing languages. That would be like me telling you that the word "bonjour" is Spanish. No, my brain is multi-lingual, but it never lets me decide what language to think in. If I could do that, I'd be brilliant. And, despite what everyone may think, I'm not.

You may now be wondering, "Natasja, what is wrong with you?" Don't ask.. anymore.

These words are my own, from my heart flow.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...

Thanks Micheal Bublé. I needed that.

Well, Gina convinced me to kinda start this blog up. I had one before here, but it was very depressing, so I'm starting it over. Because I'm not really a depressed or depressing person. (Gee, I sure hope I'm not a depressing person. That would suck.) Anyway, Gina, I've put in a shameless plug to your blog, but I could always take it off if you want.

So, hmmm... how to start this thing. Well, if you're hoping for personal, inside-my-head information on me, I'm afraid you won't get it. However, if you enjoy the random profound wonderings rolling around in my mental roledex, then you've come to the right place!

For some reason I always seem to choose the pinkest templates for things. Like, I discovered on hotmail you can change the colour scheme and so what did I choose? The pink one. I'm not really a "pink" girl. I just like the way the pink colours go together, the way they look, you know? Plus, pink isn't completely an undesirable colour, right? Right. Ok.

I suppose I should find some witty, ironic and deep way to end this blog. I don't really have much to say right now...

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me.