Monday, September 22, 2008

Hardcore superstar by far, you're the ultimate star

- Tegan and Sara

Among my oh-so-special talents is singing while playing guitar. I really started to learn guitar because a) it friggin rocks and b) I liked the idea of being able to be my own accompaniment. It was like the idea of having my own back-up band (who is really just me, strummin' some chords.) True, it was difficult to learn to play at first, my friends can attest to that. (Developping my singing was a lot easier, but that's a different story.) I really just wanted to be able to do it so that I wouldn't just be singing random songs, I'd be singing songs someone knew and having the right keys and beats that come with the playing of a guitar. That's all there was to it. I just didn't want to sing alone, but at the same I wanted to sing by myself.

Over the last year, I've been really trying hard to get the whole guitar thing going. It's been working well, I guess. Personally, I just like the sense of enjoyment and accomplishment I feel when I can play and sing a song well. Lately, people have been telling me how good I'm getting. Especially, of course, my wonderful friend who actually take the time to listen to me, even if I sound horrible. (And by "take the time to..." I really mean they give me requests and I do my best.) My mother is always encouraging, she always tells me how much she enjoys my singing. And it's fun, it really is.

It's weird when people get like, excited over how good they say I am. Not necessarily in a bad way, just... a new thing for me. Like when Gina says, "Tasj, when you're a multinational award-winning singer-guitarist, don't forget the little people," then I have no idea what to say to that. Truth is, Gina, I am one of the little people. I probably always will be. Not because I don't have talent. But because I lack the confidence and vision to ever see myself as a "star." I'm not even sure if I'd like it. I mean, I like when people hear me sing and they think it's nice. And I really really enjoy singing. And I'll sing till the day I die. It's just so much a part of who I am.

So what do I do? Give up a safe life for at chance at my dream? Or do I keep doing what I'm doing and save music for my own amusement. Sadly (or not so sadly, depending on how you look at it), I will choose the latter. Don't worry, you'll always hear me sing. Just maybe not on the radio.

At least not yet.

Do you wanna be a superstar? Cause that's what you are. You're gonna be a star.

Music is... a part of my very being.